the correction of the essay
The effects of the creation of the state of Israel
Lacides Moreno
What happened in Israel? Why they have a war? The answer is simple after the creation of the state of Israel in 1948, when United States and the URRS won the war to the Germany Nazi. Since 1948 the Jews have a territory that was occupied for the Arabs and Palestine, and this is the problem, but the real problem began before the birth of the Jesus Christ.
In 1945 when the second war finalized, United States and Russia give to all the Jews in the world a territory. United States and Russia (the winners of the war) was thinking about giving a space of Argentina, but the Jews said that they want their “Promise Land” ,their real home, because they explained that they go out ,when the Roman Empire was looking for killing because they were a rebellious. Then in the Second World War, more than 5 million Jews died by the Nazis troops. However they were able to create the Zionist movement in order to recuperate Palestine as Israel. Now the big problem is that in all the human history the Palestinians and Arabs had to leave the land.
Since 1948 the effects of the creation of the state of Israel have been terrible, but all the people in the world have a question, Why is United States the savior of the Jews? The answer is simple the condition was that all the petroleum dregs was manage for the United States for this reason United States help to Israel . Obviously the Jews accepted this condition because in the entire human they wished a proper land, but in this moment the Jews had been moving their interests with finance threaten, because the Jews have a billion of dollars in deeds in the multinationals of United States. The problem was for the Palestinians because they didn’t leave the land and all the ex ottoman empire, namely the Arabs community (Syria, tras-jordan, Egypt, Iran and irak) create a huge hate for the United States , now days this is the countries that have more Palestine as a result this countries hold up the palatine they identify we him.
The most important effects since 1948 were the five wars in this territory due to the two different cultural groups are sharing the land. First was the war in 1949 in this war died 600,000 Palestine , the second was the Sinai war In 1956 due to the nationalization of the Suez canal in this war interview , France , Israel , England all united to Egypt . Then the war of the 6 days because of Egypt impede the leaving of the Jews boats in the red sea, next the war of Yom Kippur on account of Syria and Egypt sent a surprise attack to recuperate the Sinai, and finally the war of the libano (1982-1983) when Israel invaded the libano because here was the Palestine troops, but this is not all the wars because all the days we can see in the news the bomb-man, the united states troops, and missiles. Nowadays all the people remark the support of USA to Israel “ bush say that will defend military Israel ” 1° he announce that will be protected the Jews. As a result the war the conflict continue , not because of the united states help the Jew , the conflict is very strong and have a difficult point to resolve for example the religious places the temples that Palestine and Jews have in the same place .
the people have to analyze the direct and the indirect effects of the creation of this state. I have a good reflection that is not a secret, but is important to announce the hate that all the Arab community have for the USA we know that the unites states pay this hate in September of 2001 when passage the cautious of the twin towers it was the Arabian community conduce by Osama bin laden.
This conflict has a economic, politic and sociological interests that impede the solution some people know only two interest of united states, but another countries have other interests that we do not know however, all the days we can see the catastrophic effects of this conflict.
1) THE MILENO NEWSPAPER , march 21 of 2006 Mexico D.C page,
http://www.milenio.com/
in conclusion the creation of Israel had been terrible for many countries in the world , because not only was the five wars if not another effects for example the huge hate that the Arabian community have for united states due to his intervention in the problem, however we don not have to see only the things that happened we have to analyze profoundly because people that will be a professional of international business have to create a impartial culture and study all the interest of the countries due to exist the possibility that some nations create a war for benefices economics , politics , territory …as a result we understand which most of the problem in the world never finish.
Lacides Moreno
What happened in Israel? Why they have a war? The answer is simple after the creation of the state of Israel in 1948, when United States and the URRS won the war to the Germany Nazi. Since 1948 the Jews have a territory that was occupied for the Arabs and Palestine, and this is the problem, but the real problem began before the birth of the Jesus Christ.
In 1945 when the second war finalized, United States and Russia give to all the Jews in the world a territory. United States and Russia (the winners of the war) was thinking about giving a space of Argentina, but the Jews said that they want their “Promise Land” ,their real home, because they explained that they go out ,when the Roman Empire was looking for killing because they were a rebellious. Then in the Second World War, more than 5 million Jews died by the Nazis troops. However they were able to create the Zionist movement in order to recuperate Palestine as Israel. Now the big problem is that in all the human history the Palestinians and Arabs had to leave the land.
Since 1948 the effects of the creation of the state of Israel have been terrible, but all the people in the world have a question, Why is United States the savior of the Jews? The answer is simple the condition was that all the petroleum dregs was manage for the United States for this reason United States help to Israel . Obviously the Jews accepted this condition because in the entire human they wished a proper land, but in this moment the Jews had been moving their interests with finance threaten, because the Jews have a billion of dollars in deeds in the multinationals of United States. The problem was for the Palestinians because they didn’t leave the land and all the ex ottoman empire, namely the Arabs community (Syria, tras-jordan, Egypt, Iran and irak) create a huge hate for the United States , now days this is the countries that have more Palestine as a result this countries hold up the palatine they identify we him.
The most important effects since 1948 were the five wars in this territory due to the two different cultural groups are sharing the land. First was the war in 1949 in this war died 600,000 Palestine , the second was the Sinai war In 1956 due to the nationalization of the Suez canal in this war interview , France , Israel , England all united to Egypt . Then the war of the 6 days because of Egypt impede the leaving of the Jews boats in the red sea, next the war of Yom Kippur on account of Syria and Egypt sent a surprise attack to recuperate the Sinai, and finally the war of the libano (1982-1983) when Israel invaded the libano because here was the Palestine troops, but this is not all the wars because all the days we can see in the news the bomb-man, the united states troops, and missiles. Nowadays all the people remark the support of USA to Israel “ bush say that will defend military Israel ” 1° he announce that will be protected the Jews. As a result the war the conflict continue , not because of the united states help the Jew , the conflict is very strong and have a difficult point to resolve for example the religious places the temples that Palestine and Jews have in the same place .
the people have to analyze the direct and the indirect effects of the creation of this state. I have a good reflection that is not a secret, but is important to announce the hate that all the Arab community have for the USA we know that the unites states pay this hate in September of 2001 when passage the cautious of the twin towers it was the Arabian community conduce by Osama bin laden.
This conflict has a economic, politic and sociological interests that impede the solution some people know only two interest of united states, but another countries have other interests that we do not know however, all the days we can see the catastrophic effects of this conflict.
1) THE MILENO NEWSPAPER , march 21 of 2006 Mexico D.C page,
http://www.milenio.com/
in conclusion the creation of Israel had been terrible for many countries in the world , because not only was the five wars if not another effects for example the huge hate that the Arabian community have for united states due to his intervention in the problem, however we don not have to see only the things that happened we have to analyze profoundly because people that will be a professional of international business have to create a impartial culture and study all the interest of the countries due to exist the possibility that some nations create a war for benefices economics , politics , territory …as a result we understand which most of the problem in the world never finish.
posted by lacho at 7:38 AM
1 Comments:
Here's some word order/word choice/sentence construction problems that you had:
"The answer is simple. After the creation of the..."
"In 1945, when World War II ended,the United States and Russia gave Jews their own state."
"...world have a question: why is United States the savior of the Jews?"
"The answer is simple. The condition was that all the petroleum dregs were managed by the United States, and for that reason, the United States helped Israel."
Make sure you pay attention to verb tense and capitalization of country and group names, as well as the first letter of all sentences. There are many run-on and incomplete sentences. In short, proofread before you post! You also need to have in-text citations and a Works Cited section at the end of your essay that includes all the references you used, in MLA format, as we discussed in class.
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